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Look! A Rainbow!

by Kara's Walk Home

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Highway 09:37
We stood on the pier and watched the waves as the tide came in The sun sets every day and we all know that, but I never look I never really wanted to live forever, but I changed my mind It’s not that I expect that to ever happen, I’ve just got a lot I’d like to do walking by the ocean, i see the waves crash and slide back in a hermit crab got lost without its shell The lights on in the market I like how it looks when everything’s gray but the windows are bright orange against the haze I see a man waiting He’s been standing there since 6:15 He watches cars and tries his best to blend right in Head lights, peak around the corner and you forgot to jump Disappear, travel miles away instead it all works out the same grab your books and collapse your tabs grab your disc and your briquette, you’ve got friends to meet I haven’t seen my daughter in weeks, where could she be? Hope she forgets me someday You never really got what I was saying, you always said 30 was enough I never really know how serious you are but I hope you change your mind a mountain at evening, haze against the sea and the silhouette of the horizon, it’s hardest to see at dusk a pose in the door way could fool you as a picture frame but nothing’s really paused no matter how still you stand leave your life exactly as you lived it, an impression, cleared out dust from habitually used places compressed cushion on the chair on the balcony, dog eared pages and an unlocked computer screen don’t you think you could have cleaned things up a bit, don’t you care at all? to clarify or justify Your uncleared history, i’m embarrassed just looking, and i feel dizzy standing with the lights off staring at the screen And all the things that you bury in your life could bloom like evil flowers that no one would ever pick But I stared and I stared for days on end and reached out to pull you back, please come back! I cut my hair today I put on a sweater and walked to school i don’t give a shit, I’m fucking off today I stayed up late again on a bus to the northern shore No one knows me here except my dear grandma Release my thoughts to the empty sky I admit i don’t know anything and never did Though i travel far away You know it’s hard to be forgotten these days I never really wanted to live forever but maybe I changed my mind I really don’t expect that to ever happen it’s just something, it’s just one thing Just another thing to think about the light in the morning eases my mind, though the suns rays and wind blows seeds to the ground the currents push against my legs, run through the waves til you get tired and lay panting on the shore Last night in a dream, I stabbed you in the heart, the blood made me lose my grip you were someone just like me, hated by all our peers, so i hated you as well apologies that grow like trees, fully formed in yards you’re not likely to visit again don’t mean anything, So scatter the seeds in hopes that something useful grows for once some people may leave and be gone forever so stop and look at the people who are still around So in my case I take a look a my father walking in the distance 100 miles away, and I’m sorry when you tried to die, I said "do it right next time" to be honest I was hurt myself if I could live 100 more years you know that I would take and I hope you’d take it too sitting in the park swinging in the dark I felt so stupid and young so I’m sorry oh god I’m sorry If one drop from my heart could just turn you around, just know I’d prefer to see you living The so called family who said you were nothing… They’ll just never understand. So don’t believe them!! Don’t believe them!!!!
press the pedal down to the floor just kidding you know I would never drive that fast I’m not much for taking risks it’s not that I’m scared it just doesn’t really seem to be worth it I can still feel the air and I’d like to see the lights so why don’t you look to the south you can see everything from here And in the darkness the places people live seem to float above the hills And I can see the lights we’re both looking far away, saying something about death and I think it might be good to take our time with that so we got left behind? I guess people get left behind and as our youths float to the earth We still have no clue what to say What to say Eyes move slow, and legs move slow Maybe I should go to bed on time for once let’s breath in deeply you know it’s ok to cry I was never smart anyway I’ll hold my bitterness and open up my hands as the day breaks please destroy it all! I’ve had enough of these good dreams because I know it’s all gone squint into the wind by the seaside pick up shells and toss them in run across the shallow water rest your hands just above the shining sand close your eyes and little tears form because you woke up really early today I could never eat this early I got sick and I almost fainted So it was lively, it was lovely, the sunset’s colored like a rose and it was like not like nothing else but I’ll describe it with averages words we both know impressionism was always the kind of art I liked so i’ll use a big brush, if you squint you’ll make it out press your nose against the window the first snow barely dusts the ground as much time as you spend in silence one day this will be ten years past and I once knew you, and you once knew me, but now I don’t know a thing about that and I once passed you on the street but I didn’t realize ’til later I thought we’d be friends forever I thought I’d know you when I was 80 but I’m always wrong about so many things so it was lively, it was lovely, the sunset’s colored like a rose and it was like not like nothing else but I’ll describe it with averages words we both know impressionism was always the kind of art I liked so i’ll use a big brush, I’ll use a big brush agh !!!! I don’t know, And I’m sorry- And I’m sorry I’ll never see you again
I walk across the bridge, and up the cracked old stairs I’ve got no illusions, I know I’m just a baby and There’s some things that you know are way to high to reach but but you still want to, reach up and! It seemed like he really knew what it really meant to be great and our eyes were all on him, but we got lost inside a nightmare and my blood just felt cold, but he wasn’t scared like he should have been “Someday I’ll conquer all the stars I’ll pull them to my eyes and see through them and I’ll meet all their children,” and Carol says she heard them and wrote what they said down but he missed it, because he already left I want to see the morning I want to feel the sunlight and I want to see the stars, when all of this is over I want to open my heart up to my friends and tell them I love them i want to read a book and i want to draw a picture i want to play a game and stay up til the morning and all of the smallest reasons to live, are good enough I want to see the morning I want to feel the sunlight and I want to see the stars, when all of this is over I want to open my heart up to my friends and tell them I love them And even the petty reasons to live are good enough Dust drifts in from the window to the floor, illuminate against the walls where we once lived Softly touch the broken music box For a time when its song would still ease your mind chase a light through the haunted streets for a chance that that your world might still be saved promise that you wont lose your way? but your hand and your heart and your life might change a flower blooms in cold blood and I changed, and the world changed A memory that once was warm Is now only cold, and I walk away
June 2 06:18
snails cross the sidewalk can’t believe something could live here crouch and watch it go, and in the sun beams the grass will burn a cross lit up on the sky line floats though I can’t see how can you hear me, god? I once believed it, but now I never will shop on the week days, cry in the target did you hear me, god? felt like i needed help, but no one came so it’s hot in the summer, so we forgot water as we walk for miles home so the gas wasn’t broken, so we just didn’t know it was off, live and learn that’s how it goes just this time, for a moment this time, we’ll scream from the bottom of our hearts maybe we all have things we regret but it’s fun sometimes and we laugh some times and i love you, my best friend so we’re outside at evening, disconnecting a battery, pull out the card and make a call you got $300, in a way it’s a profit, i’m just glad we didn’t die!!!!!! so, so what? so we’re getting old? so we haven’t solved it all by now? maybe we all have things we regret but it’s fun sometimes and we laugh some times and i love you, my best friend As I walk away, nothing lasts forever, you know these days I don’t think much about the future Pack up things and get rid of others, and out the window’s a view that I won’t see again Bodies change and don’t work forever, but we make use of them while we can I don’t what’s in the future, but we made it much longer than I thought we would Fly to California, say bye to your family Float on the giant waves, an unknown ocean you’ve finally seen Just this time, for a moment this time, we’ll scream from the bottom of our hearts maybe we all have things we regret but it’s fun sometimes and we laugh some times and I love you, my best friend when we’re laughing, and as we’re living, my best friend!
In 1000 years or maybe more I could be a stranger to you again and maybe we’d meet on the main street in a city we both live in some things that are almost completely lost could be edged off the cliff when you reach your hand out to pull them back in And when i finally found the book with your phone number I stood there for minutes while the sun set, and when I looked up, it was dark out take out the trash, read a book, push it out of my mind, i just don’t wanna hear it Get the onions from garden, get the water, try not to spill it It’s the only thing that I could really do We are both elitist people that only had fun watching movies And complaining about how much better they could be I stood outside the car gazing up at the deep blue sky for a little too long, but the cold weather snapped me out of it. In the mirror I caught myself smiling, and immediately stopped, somehow feeling embarrassed. I walked round to the garden, but saw something moving around inside. I got nervous as a leaned down, when all of a sudden it jumped up, and right past my face. I turned and looked, realizing it was just a leaf, and the wind took it away. The other night, i was staying up too late again and I saw a picture of the family from 10 years ago. I didn’t know at the time you saw it too but Rosie told me about it. maybe you’re wondering how i am. i go to work, i come home, i watch videos. whatever. Things were so hectic back then, cooking for everyone, folding laundry, dishes…. nowadays I don’t do them enough. Rosie says that just means i’m busy but I think she’s just being overly cautious these days because she’s worried I might start hating her again time wont seem to do everything, no time seems to heal nothing! I just find other things to do in my spare time look through old pictures but think of the future: should things just remain the same? I saw your mom the other day, weird right? She doesn’t come out very often but she couldn’t find your phone number so she was asking for it, talking about the picture my mom uploaded. You hate to admit when something like that makes you pick up the phone, huh? It just got me thinking, too. sometimes i just find myself wondering if i’ve really changed at all. I’m still way too opinionated in conversations… I forget important things people tell me… and I just start to worry if I’ve really changed at all. stars blink out eventually, wounds that don’t heal eventually turn to dust on the bodies where they formed so long ago and I’d like to see you, I’d like to tell you… but maybe photos will just have to do I got a message from your grand parents the other day, asking for money again. As I get older, I wonder if having children meant much to them, but at this point I’ll probably never ask. That’s how it is. That’s just the way it is.
The sea’s been swelling The sky’s been overcast I see a few rocks have been spit out on the shore It’s been a long few years for us all Let’s just try to move on It’s been about ten years since We lived on the same street I braced myself for insults but all you said was just You left your bag by the front door The last words I said were "Nice try, maybe next time" You just shook your head And I think what you meant was I really wont miss you at all So you clogged the toilet And I’ll try my best To push down the part of myself that Wants to say, "So you did it again?" So grab the plunger, we’ll do it together Hold on I’m trying So you can’t see it? You’re just projecting your memories of me But I don’t even care at all…. I swear I’m gonna change I can’t sleep because it started to rain and It’s been so long that I’d like to hear every drop Did you notice how green the leaves look on other days like this? And I found old glasses old drawings In old notebooks I don’t know What I proved then… I dreamed I saw you and you actually smiled It was a day just like this when my brother left us I offered him an umbrella but he declined it He didn’t tell our parents before he left, And I always wonder, why didn’t he take it? Until then I never thought much about the past and I’m not so good at poems but I hope one day I feel like how those mountains look So we went jogging it’s raining this time and We both laughed when you said "I hate myself too." I guess that’s one thing we share But do you remember? When we were kids I ran and got you a bandaid when you fell and scraped your knee I hope that’s who I really am Hold on I’m trying God can’t you see me? No, I know that’s not what’s really important I know I can’t expect anyone to stay Some things you can’t get back
Sigh into the night watch the blinking lights go by Or masts on the ships that fall into the sea Or the flood waters rise Yet time’s like that I stop and just look at the stars Or stand in silence to watch the rain or the snow fall down, or the fog roll in as the street disappears into it Look at the faces of friends that you betrayed and they said “You’ll pay for that with more than your life” But do you face it or does… The light, through the haze, dance in strangely peaceful ways Rain will fall so grass will grow and the sun reflects off puddles in the footprints that were left behind But I want to see faces of people who trust me And warm colored tiles on the floor where I worked Are these golden chances lost for ever Are golden days just vague words to say? Still the sun rises, and the wind blows, and I cut my dirty nails Run forever and never get tired I have dreams like that and sometimes I’m having fun Sometimes I’m just escaping Watch a movie of prisoners who escape Just as they hesitate to reunite with the ones they love The cops pull up And The sky was so blue and The day was so normal The street was so quiet Heard the dust on the pavement Those outstretched hands that are just inches apart Feeling sorry for for the world that took them apart And if that’s justice well, I don’t like it Is that just how it is? And down in the dirt The green sprouts grow up I wake up from my world end dream From the castles being hit by meteors And the dark citadels So the movie’s over The sun’s already set A heart filled with compassion, when all is said and done I hope it’s not too late
Ông Nội 06:34
I overheard someone talking, they said that you took your brothers name after he died and you left yours in Vietnam Thanks for the eggs that you cooked when I was sick Think i can say that much Hey grandpa you look good in that suit i finished high school, can you believe it? so I walked in to your room the sunlight reflected off your sheets No one looks you in the eyes as you struggled to make a sound I can’t quite express all the things i regret, my sister cried when i got her friends sent home I held her in my arms as we got scolded in the hall by my stepmom but it was too late I blamed my mom for the things my family said it wasn’t her fault but she was the only one around I’ve talked so much shit about the people i love most so what does that say about me? Fuck this shit! I deserve this At cô Ly’s wedding, she made sure to have a speech telling how sad she was that you already died and everyone was crying as she danced with her brother just like you and grandma and I could hear my dad as your first family planned your funeral and through the door he screamed “Fuck him! He’s not done anything for us!” And so, how could I come? Do you know? what you left me with? if I came to see you i’d be betray my dad, There’s just no easy answer you left my dad when he was just a kid and your second marriage it was just so perfect and you said it was ok if I did anything at all just finish college first alright Fuck this shit, should I have called more? Don’t hold me back, I feel so guilty but all i want to say is just, Fuck you, you just don’t, how complicated it be to just come and visit but I would call, if I could, and tell you my life didn’t end up quite the way I wished and I’ve got so many questions that I just didn’t care about when i had the chance and just know, that all this time, I hear your words and I try to let go But I Just can’t Forget it I can’t forget it I can’t forget it You laid in bed, fucking god the sunlight’s so bright And I could see every contour of your bones  And your hair was gone, but I remember, and your voice was gone, But I remember, and you said, “hey why didn’t you come more?” Now I can’t believe you’re gone
June came a little too early, and summer ended a little too late and now I’m gonna be behind on work I miss the east coast humidity I never though I’d say those words, but I guess I got a lot of reading done Hey I really loved War and Peace, but will I feel the same in 15 years, I don’t know Time passed a little too slowly, but it’s only because I know I’m stuck It took some time but Rosie’s been nicer, I guess my attitude was just bad Hey mom are thinking about us? Don’t worry, I know you needed a break, Oh please just don’t forget we’re here, It might be what we want some day We listened to screamo on the way to the airport, you said it sucks but maybe you could like it? Hey mom, you could start a band, or at least try karaoke? Oh god wasn’t the sky so beautiful I could have cried if I wasn’t so embarrassed Just looking at a picture, we used to live somewhere that nice Just throw my name away, I’m going somewhere better Or at least somewhere that no one cares Picture someone driving up a mountain away from a place they hate Or so I tell myself, you know I’m not that cool Did I have dreams anyways? And if not is that so bad? Isn’t it enough just to want to live? And I’ll forgive almost anything but it doesn’t mean I’m just another hand to help out But the sky is clear today and I’ve got to do laundry We were at the store and I could feel people judge us, I was a little loud but maybe I’m just sensitive But lately I’ve been going out at 6, going running and buying spinach even if I don’t eat it Hey you know it’s just a start It’s all about building good habits The other day when I was running around the lake, I met someone and she said that she used to play drums I was in your room listening to your music, I guess I lied when I said I hated it Sometimes I guess I want to scream too And I got older but there are still things I’d like to do The sun rays at 9:00 only make me feel slightly less bad Quitting my job and sending you away, was it too much this time? Oh god, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live So I got older, but why am I still so stupid? It’s like I can’t see my own face, when I think about it I just wanted a little more time, but I can’t seem to take care Of myself without hurting someone else (life passes in many ways life flashes away and i once though i could know anything at all but joints just hurt and lungs wheeze so I just do nothing but stare out of the window and think, was it worth it?) When you were young and we lived in California Your dad would come around but I never really told you That piece of shit never tried to raise you but he’d come around and just tell me I was doing it all wrong What did I lose this time? I never see cars before I’m already hit I always lived like I was running to the finish line not to die but just to live differently And it seems I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I fucked it up again, and just to give myself a chance So I got older, I was always waiting For a chance to have a break, and figure out what I wanted I don’t care how brittle my bones get I’m still here, judge me if you want to, I’ll keep telling my self I don’t care (life just passes quickly i know it’s something everyone one says but i never really took it too seriously gazing back at decades, thinking of the moments and the hard headed way i lived that didn’t make anyone happy) We all get older, it seems I missed 20 years as a young adult, but is it too late? I’m still here and I’ve got my dreams buried as they are by years of part time; so I can’t be famous… Who said that was the point? (no regrets for our youth! sounds like a nice title of a film, but one that i could never relate to cause I’ll always regret ignoring my family’s feelings…) Forget my name and forget my face, I don’t wanna be remembered Forget my name, and forget my face, I wanna start over I wanna go somewhere, I wanna go somewhere else. (I want to be no one, but I don’t wanna disappear, I want to be no one at all) Hey, I’m sorry Oh god I’m sorry
Oh great blue sky, are you open to hearing all of the things that I would like to say but I’m not sure about? And… Oh great deep lake, do you think you’d forgive me if I wanna show compassion for someone evil, that maybe I shouldn’t? So I started reading again, put on” Blanket and Crib” And tried to find some wisdom The moment is never sure so Ill l try not to hold too tightly And these places will someday change even if you’re not there to see it I keep the window open at night because I like to hear sounds and As people drive on the highway I wonder, just where are they going! so, put your glasses on, try to clean the frames and look!! a rainbow!! I almost missed because I was annoyed at all the traffic and I laughed when I saw it We saw all the way to the sea, it’s 100 miles away, and the fog rolled in and swallowed the city below the mountain I squinted my eyes in the wind and you you said I’m not evil on days I hate my step mom, or the days I don’t the sound of the rain could mean completely different things based on how you’re living The moment is never sure so I’ll try not to hold too tightly And these places will someday change so maybe I will save a picture I keep the window open at night because I like the sound of the forest I hear howls or maybe wails and I wonder just what are they doing the sound of the rain hitting hard against the roof, and together we keep talking as we get to where we’re going and I never get bored


released June 1, 2022

William - vocals, guitar, piano
Rob - guitar, bass
Vi - bass, vocals on ông nội
George - drums

songs written by William, arranged with the band. Lyrics on Ông Nội, June 2, and Reintroduction Letter written with Vi. Vi also came up with the general song structure for Ông Nội

Additional vocals on "Do You See the Thread of Light?" and "Gauge Means Nothing in the Car" by Sydney Landis

Violin and viola on track 4 and 6 by Jeff Ball (jeffballmusic.com) arranged by William

Mixed and Mastered by Rob Duffy www.cyclopssound.com

Album Art by William instagram.com/wwilliamgg




Kara's Walk Home Los Angeles, California

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