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I don't want to look at the stars

by Kara's Walk Home

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My legs are failing fast and I know I can’t come back here Trying to kick the ball but I go down Down down down I don’t what I’m gonna be when I get old But I wont be running fast as these slow legs now I’m gonna be faster than you’ve ever seen me before There’s no one that’s got Big dreams like mine And Johnny asks, "Where am I gonna be when I get old?" And I don’t know but the field’s all I've got now And I’ve never seen a goal in 13 years But May 16th was so hot and no one showed up I ran faster than you’ve ever seen me before But if I look inside I know I’d rather stay home I’d rather just stay home Slowly the gaps begin to show and I can’t catch up I’m sitting on the sideline Waiting to go home I worked hard but they wont put me in and I can’t score I’ll never score I see him smiling with a winning goal I guess I’ll go home Surely not every foot placed in a field is meant to be great I’m not slow I’m not fast not too weak or strong but I cannot compete Surely it’s healthy too take a step back but I still want to try There must be some meaning for losers like me and I... don’t wanna... die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Johnny says, "Don’t worry, you’ve still got me." "Not everyone’s gotta be the best to find some meaning" And I’m sitting in my bedroom studying flash cards I won’t turn the lights on ’til the sun’s fully DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN
Sun rises and the day begins Walking through these old memories of College and love and When I hoped for so much more but it's been a few years since I did anything new here and I guess it wasn't all that bad I just gotta stop saying "sad" I just gotta keep moving I'm just thankful you like me I grew up here but it's been a few years how strange it feels when a place is so familiar but it's More like a museum of the past why do I still call it home? And I guess I just placed so much hope on the things I started here but I just moved them somewhere else let's just hope the soil takes and We’ve been moving slowly for a while Looking at our peers, we keep comparing but Walking here in cambridge could be enough But i know I’ll be flying back on Sunday Sun rises and the day begins Walking through these old memories of College and love and When I hoped for so much more but it's been a few years since I did anything new here And I guess I just placed so much hope on the things I started here but I just moved them somewhere else let's just hope the soil takes and You’ve been living here for a while is it where you want to be or is it for you mom? We don’t have to get anything done for our lives to be worthwhile We’ve been moving slowly for a while I stayed up til 4am watching lets plays and you’ve collected way too many things I hope you’ll start a script someday soon I haven’t lived here for a while I’ve made so many friends I truly love but every time I write a story featuring best friends, it’s based on you Heeeeeeey would you be there when i call Would you be there in the morning It’s been so very long it’s been so very I don't even know what's gonna happen to us lately I'm sorry for Always talking loans but being here reminds me of when they weren't around walking slowly the wind blows and I feel more relaxed
Well I hope that the water’s not too deep Maybe i’ll swim away from here today I wish that my arms would never tire And I’d go away and I’d never come back home As the dollars go up the time goes down And I’ll fill out that check one more time And I’ll put off the language that I’d like to learn Because this kid now takes up all of my time I try to forget that you’re out there we’ll both lives our lives hopefully happy I wish that my heart could grow some legs and get out of here and just relax………………. I’m losing breath just sitting here I’m starting to sweat as I hear your screams from the hall Just one more night and I’ll feel love I say to myself BUT I JUST GOT LEFT WITH THIS!!! See you Run in to my arms but it’s just wind pushing against my chest And I’m 30 years ago in the back yard- trying not to turn away These steps looks just like the ones we had back home Where I sat and I waited after school The sound of a car perks up my ears but I look inside and once again I know it’s not you A new kid came by and I showed him around it felt a little nice to be counted on but a few weeks later his mother came back and again this week I didn’t get mail The water’s cool, got my socks off found Megumu by the bridge stressed about her grade in Math And I help her out glad someone here wants my company 'cause I haven’t seen you in years And I’ve been reading books about parents and kids Sitting at home with their pets their parents help them out with their science projects and watch TV dramas ’til they sleep so how are you it’s been a while glad you’re doing well and I’m not so sure what to say "I missed you." "Well, I didn’t miss you too," but I know that’s a lie. "I hope you felt you were free" and we’re standing in the sun as it falls down It’s just warm enough for the shade And I see you from the side just hiding your eyes Well, who know’s what’s right??????!!!!!!
I waste Hours at a time yeah waste has become my life And my dreams are just stuffed in the cracks Yeah my dreams are just things I avoid And some days feel like a coma they're thick and white and opaque And I come out and I wonder why I am too lethargic to do anything And I've sworn off drugs and alcohol my whole life but what good has it done If I can't live with an ounce of control If I can't face what I know makes me whole I can't think, it just hurts it just hurts it just hurts it just hurts it just hurts How can I turn up my nose at hedonistic lives If I spend my whole life squandering my finite time away Just one more time I say as I go to check another site just one more minute I say and complain that there's just no time no time no time Hours spent discussing what authenticity means Redefining success independent of your genes As you sabotage yourself Staying up 'til 2AM You say just one more hour and you'll stumble blind until you die you die you die You're nothing special You're not unique You're lacking something Don't be so weak You'll never know if you don't focus Where's your control? Why don't you show us? It goes on and on and on You must think even if it hurts even if it hurts You must think, I am strong I am strong And you must scream I am strong I am strong AND YOU MUST SCREM I AM STRONG I AM STRONG I AM STRONG credits
wake up don't break down just get up there's a life that you want and you don't have a lot of time It's early you've gotta go out don't regret staying up last night unless you plan to change something 'cause you don't got a lot of time and you'll go downtown this time today don't be scared you've gotta risk it sometimes i know it's safer inside but you'll talk to someone today don't be tired you've gotta learn things somehow I know it's safer in the woods Let's go out get noodles it's something that I never had living back in the woods It was nice there It was quiet I made my mind there but I just stayed at home though i did have a lot of time and I just had a lot of time Now it's gone but I've got something else People that can take me outside I can learn directly this time. I'll miss those hours alone in the field crying about East of Eden But now I can see those people for real. everywhere I go i'm starting to miss all the things that happened to me everywhere I go i'm starting to miss all the places that I used to live everywhere I go i'm starting to miss all the friends I used to have everywhere I go i'm starting to miss all the people that I hardly knew but no matter where you go you can't get caught up in anything that used to be no matter where you go you can't get hung up on ideas of what could have been so scream out my name from across the whole city I think I could hear it if you yell loud enough and I'll open my ear drums and stretch out my neck because it's hard to know where you stand without some feedback And I might be wrong about this but I think that I can change At the peak of my confidence I had my delusions I thought I climbed to high and could not see the bottom i was so alone that the world lost it's meaning But I just kept climbing til I burst through the ceiling and I might be wrong but I think I can change Sitting in the back seat listening to a song that we love though we heard so many times before and I hope we hear so many more And I've said too much about my self and not enough about the friends who've helped me thank for giving me your time And not just in practical ways like staying with you when I hardly knew you just thanks for talking to me So thanks for sticking around I'll try to stick around here too Let's go hiking sometime next weekend.
Dry 02:16
Where's the old tree with the swing that your dad tied up or the dog that kept you warm while you were cold The trees here just don't look the same as the walk home every day after school And my crushes were no more than projections From the books and the manga I read at home And I was crushed when you started drinking Because it made me feel a little more alone Take your time, and I'll be sure to take mine
i've got nothing left but the holes in my bones where the ones i love have left and i didn't fight and the train car pulls away far from the ones i knew from 40 years of friendship and letting down the ones we love so i'm just gonna leave and i'll leave the keys to them with an extended note of thanks for the bakery i opened but you never got to see i'll just stand here and stare at the trees i'm too much of a coward to leave they're back home waiting for me I've got something left... waiting for me! i've got bread to bake! and early mornings! and maybe one day you'll wonder who i was you'll get your degree and come back from overseas! i'm just trying to keep hope in my bones
I can't say! Where we'll be Anyway I can't say where I'm going anyway I can't stay in one place for more than a year straight I can't stay here for too long anyway You'll be gone two weeks and that can feel so long when you've got no job and a cat scratching at your front door And one stray sound could tear your whole life down you'll be kicked out so soon after you got in town I wanted to die on that 2am bus ride I'm sorry for making you run into that bush reach out to the sea it's 100 miles away but it reaches all the way to the place where you are if I could get one touch I'd feel a little closer and it might be kind of lame but I don't really mind reach out to the sea let the water cool you down maybe now you'll clear some space to feel anything at all I never liked swimming but I like the idea that touching the Pacific is like circling the earth I know it's hard for you to stay at home It's a complex feeling, but you've gotta go out on your own So I wont say you shouldn't go away I'll understand If you never want to come home it's a little too hot to feel anything at all but my dried out skin from cycling too long Estonia seems nice i'd like to go someday but Seattle seems a little less out of the way and it's a little too hot but I'll get used to it i can't let it stop me from smiling too much so I'll reach out to the sea and quote songs that i love and it'll rain at least once this year I never cared for the summer but for getting off school But all the songs about the summer colored it in my head i remember sitting at my school desk looking out the window admiring the same tree every day reminding me of home (never ever, never gonna go back to the place where you grew up And if you do if you could ever go back it'll never be the same) But not everyone had that- fond memories looking back- of a home they were glad to grow up in and to maybe go back So if you wanna leave I don't blame you I just hope I can come i could even love the summer if I spent it with you (i never ever wanna come back home this place just ties me up to a person a don't wanna see that I used to be) Never ever never gonna go back to the place where you grew up And if you could if you could ever go back it'll never be the same I loved my home but some times you just gotta runaway and make a new home somewhere somewhere far away I hope we can find a place that we love someday I don't know where i'll go but we'll make it anyway
lie down in the woods where you cried for the first time reading something you could love for the rest of your life as you leaf through the pages lie down in the bed where you stared at the ceiling wondering if you believed in God wondering how to perceive the world now without Them dig through the boxes of the books that you left with your parents and you’ll read through lines you underlined and the words in the margins walk around in the city where you lived for the first time on your own and you’ll pass familiar places that aren’t yours anymore i don’t want to feel this way but i’m jealous every time you say that "this whole thing has changed my life" but I never had that kind of moment in my life And I’m waking up in the same place each day and I’ll roll right out look for some socks and shorts and forget it soon enough Faint smells: dirt and moisture Playing soccer, or catch I’m sitting in the front yard waiting for the world to open up Paint smells, sights, and textures oily glass from my nose I’m standing in the back yard waiting for the world to open up I feel dead when I see someone get the job they hoped for and I know I want to be happy for them but it just kills me And Rachel says she feels the same when people talk about their families, feeling comfortable at home so I guess I don't have it that bad? spend my life waiting for some email that will change my life for the better go somewhere that will lift me up and over the hurdles placed in front of me I go outside see the same streets that they do squint from the sun like everyone else the sun doesn’t care at all I’ve got work but I’ll stay up as late as I can morning still comes I’m still alive Just barely I can’t wait to go home "comparison will kill you!" some business man says as he talks on his phone waiting for the 3 million donuts he ordered for him and his business meetings that he has every Thursday. I've only been working here for 4 months but I've already memorized their patterns. Sandy doesn't want to see anyone smile today. Her coworkers tell her about signing up for classes that she can't even think about anymore; it's been so long since she gave up paying her student loans but every once in a while she throws in $20 just for fun. Janice pulls out an old diary and reads about how angry she was that her father made them stay an extra week in New Hampshire in summer, 2003, she didn't want to look at the stars but to just go home she said. Tonight she'll stay up late reading wikipedia entries about Shenmue and she wont regret it. "It's better to stay awake until I'm dead tired than to be well rested and spend all night staring at the ceiling, and besides, it's the only free time I have. The only thing I hate is waking up in the morning but at least I know that we're still breathing." And I've been thinking it's not too foolish... My heart moves slowly... My legs move slowly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


After over a year of toil here is our debut album...!!!!!! What else to say... I wrote a lot in the liner notes for each individual song so check there. It's been a struggle to get this thing finished, but here it is...!!!

Thanks to everyone who has been interested in this from the beginning, and especially to the rest of the band for all your hard work and for being fun and good to be around, thanks I love you!!!


released November 10, 2015

William Gibbons- guitar/vocals/some piano here and there/trumpet/bass
Rob Duffy- guitar/mixing/mastering
Brittany Scheffler- Piano, backing vocals
Vi Cao- bass
George Venegas- drums on 2, 3, and 9
Hector- drums on everything else
Murray- dog collar shakes, barks

Special thanks to Polly, Char, Jami, Pedro, Amara, and Jackson for joining us to do the group vocals on bad feelings very loudly in the parking garage in the Glendale Galleria. I'm glad no one yelled at us

album art by William Gibbons ashwara.tumblr.com


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Kara's Walk Home Los Angeles, California

Emo... we're here for the feels

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